Young Writers Society

Thanks, I'll bear all these in mind. Maybe I'll re-write the same thing differently. I'll be sure to update!

This reminds me of one of those homeworks where you're asked to describe the setting for something. If that was the case, this would be an excellent piece, however, it is a prologue.

KazSmurf wrote:The night was black. The stars had gone out. Clouds scudded effortlessly across the sky behind a light breeze, barely visible, constantly blocking, constantly revealing the tiny sliver of moon. Many hills rolled over the land, the narrow channels between them bathed in shadow. A few lone trees dotted the sparse landscape, skeletal and lonely, black sentries to the night. The faint rustle of their leaves in the breeze could be heard in the silence.

KazSmurf]A pale, fluorescent glow of a light mist gathered in a wide canyon in the otherwise endless stretch of hills. The shape of a huge, immensely tall fortress resided in the gorge, a mass of towers that bit into the air like sharpened teeth, creating a jagged wound on the landscape. The intermittent blinking of the scarce moonlight caused a supernatural effect on the building, causing it to keep coming into focus, keep disappearing into shadow. A road made its way from the gates of the immense structure, rising steadily out of the canyon, and cutting through the hills like a knife. It ran straight over the land, joined at random points by smaller tracks from either side.[/quote]

This is a good paragraph but i think there is too much information. Perhaps you could bring this in later in the prologue, instead of dumping it here.

[quote="KazSmurf wrote:The night was quiet, yet there was a tense feeling in its silence. The land was preparing for change again. Another change that would direct the course of thousands of lives.

KazSmurf wrote:Suddenly the breeze dropped, and the moon was able to cast its little light on the land, which seemed to have frozen. The fortress became visible, although the clarity was that of a building seen through heavy rain at night. The swirling mist, which was banked up against the sides of the towers in a somewhat ironic impression of snow drifts, distorted the edges, giving the illusion that the monument existed in a different reality from the rest of the world.

The enormous gates opened with a quiet clang. Out from between them stepped a horse and rider, miniscule under the shadow of the massive structure. The horse was dark grey in colour, and the rider was swathed in a dark green travelling cloak, his hood up, concealing his face. The gates shut behind him with a slight, but loud, creak, and he quickly made his way up the rising road until he came out into the sky. The sound of hooves was clear in the utter quiet, and the rider seemed anxious to get away. He stopped for a moment, though, and turned in his saddle, looking back, his hooded head swaying from side to side, as though surveying the land.

The night was black. The stars had gone out. Clouds scudded effortlessly across the sky behind a light breeze, barely visible, constantly blocking, constantly revealing the tiny sliver of moon. Many hills rolled over the land, the narrow channels between them bathed in shadow. A few lone trees dotted the sparse landscape, skeletal and lonely, black sentries to the night. The faint rustle of their leaves in the breeze could be heard in the silence.

A pale, fluorescent glow of a light mist gathered in a wide canyon in the otherwise endless stretch of hills. The shape of a huge, immensely tall fortress resided in the gorge, a mass of towers that bit into the air like sharpened teeth, creating a jagged wound on the landscape. The intermittent blinking of the scarce moonlight caused a supernatural effect on the building, causing it to keep coming into focus, keep disappearing into shadow. A road made its way from the gates of the immense structure, rising steadily out of the canyon, and cutting through the hills like a knife. It ran straight over the land, joined at random points by smaller tracks from either side.

The night was quiet, yet there was a tense feeling in its silence. The land was preparing for change again. Another change that would direct the course of thousands of lives.

Suddenly the breeze dropped, and the moon was able to cast its little light on the land, which seemed to have frozen. The fortress became visible, although the clarity was that of a building seen through heavy rain at night. The swirling mist, which was banked up against the sides of the towers in a somewhat ironic impression of snow drifts, distorted the edges, giving the illusion that the monument existed in a different reality from the rest of the world.

stepped a horse and rider, miniscule under the shadow of the massive structure. The horse was dark grey in colour, and the rider was swathed in a dark green travelling cloak, his hood up, concealing his face. The gates shut behind him with a slight, but loud, creak, and he quickly made his way up the rising road until he came out into the sky. The sound of hooves was clear in the utter quiet, and the rider seemed anxious to get away. He stopped for a moment, though, and turned in his saddle, looking back, his hooded head swaying from side to side, as though surveying the land.

Finally, he sat back firmly in the saddle, and took up the reins. With a light touch of his heels against the horse’s sides, he set off at a gallop along the rode, away from the fortress, the sound of hooves ringing through the air. The frozen world thawed, and the light puffs of air moved the clouds again, covering the moon. The rider rode off into the night without a backward glance, and the land plunged into darkness.

I agree that the description was good, please let me know when you have wrote some more!

normally thats not my kinda reading, but it was really good, ur description was good too!
lyndzi